A wet dream

Splash!

My wife turns around and yells to the SUV that drive past us: –Arrey! You f***ing stupid driver valla! Then she turns around and yell to me: -Tum stupid hai! Look at my clothes and my hair! It was a bode stupid idea to go cinema today! What can I say? She’s actually very cute when she’s angry, even if the water and makeup runs like a river on her cheek. And she speaks in some funny Hingslish. But she’s right. We’re both wet or rather soaked and look like two rats that have just came up from Mumbai’s stinky sewage.

Welcome to the Mumbai monsoon! It has been raining the whole weekend. Friday it was raining. Saturday it was raining. And now on Sunday it has started to rain again. It was just that it didn’t rain a few hours ago when I suggested going to the cinema after being bored at home for most of the weekend. As this is Sunday and the driver has his day off, I suggested that we should take an auto. It’s actually not that far from Lake Homes to R City Mall…

That was probably my biggest mistake for a long time. Now that we’re outside the mall, it is water everywhere. No autos are running. You see, when it starts to rain in Mumbai, the streets turns into rivers. And no, it is not like the nice rivers in Goa. It is a mix of water, dirt, poop, dead rats and things that people have thrown away. Particularly now at the start of the monsoon, it is really bad. And when the water is above some height, like one feet, it is impossible for the autos to drive. Their battery is so low that the water reaches above that level and the autos stops. The traffic is at a completely standstill. A vast number of autos have stopped. This off course blocks the rest of the traffic. Busses and cars are stuck. Some of them off course honks. I think it is in the drivers genes here to honk at autos, even if they are dead. But it doesn’t help us.

I take a deep breath and look at my wife: -I think it is better if we walk. She shouts back to me: -Kya? Tum pagal hai! Walking? In this rain? Usually I would never recommend walking from Ghatkopar to Lake Homes, but right now we don’t have any choice if we want to come home tonight. So we start walking, or maybe I should rather say to wade. When we get to the junction where my office is, there are some school kids that really struggle to keep their backpack on their head while they wade through the river that runs down the hill. One of the youngest girls’ slips and is being dragged down into the stinky river.

Brrrr! Brrrr! My alarm bell goes off. Where am I? What time is it? Shit! I abruptly wake up. It’s Sunday morning and I have promised my friend to play badminton today. Maybe I shouldn’t have taken that last beer yesterday? I sit up in the bed ad try to focus. Now I realize that I’m back in Norway and that the Mumbai monsoon is just a dream. At least for now…

So you think it is unfair that someone who sits in a dry office in Norway write about the mess that happens in Mumbai when the rain is there? Well, I can tell you for sure that this I do have experienced it exactly the way I have written it. Or almost exactly like this. The story didn’t happen outside R City Mall but is actually a mix of a two stories that happened in Bandra and Powai respectively. But yes, I have absolutely experienced the rain like this. And the wife part is just added to the story just to make it a bit more dramatic, like they would have done in Bollywood 🙂

Talk to you soon!

Karsten

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